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Burger King: There’s a new King, and it’s YOU

by | Mar 18, 2026 | Fast, Food | 0 comments

Written By Richard Secor

🍔 By Order of the Crown: “Have It Your Royal Way” is Here

Let it be known throughout the realm that I, one of the newly crowned sovereigns of Burger King, do hereby issue this Royal Decree to restore honor, quality, and true customization to the kingdom.

From this day forward, all Burger King establishments shall operate under the following commands:

🍗 The Nugget Enhancement Edict

All chicken nuggets shall be:

  • Larger in size
  • Juicier within
  • Crispier without
  • Seasoned with purpose

No subject shall again suffer bland or lifeless nuggets.

🧅 The Onion Ring Liberation Proclamation

All citizens of the realm may substitute onion rings in place of fries in any meal, including:

  • Value meals
  • Royal app deals
  • Limited-time offerings

This shall be granted with no additional charge, for fairness shall reign.

🧂 The Restoration of “Have It Your Way”

The ancient promise shall be fulfilled in full. All locations must allow:

  • None
  • Light – Half the amount of Regular
  • Regular
  • Extra – Add 50% More
  • Heavy – Twice the amount

For all toppings, condiments, and ice.

No longer shall any subject be told, “It comes that way.”

🥪 The Build-From-Scratch Command

A new offering shall rise across the land:

The Royal Sandwich Builder

All subjects may:

  • Choose their protein
  • Select their bun
  • Add cheese—or none at all
  • Build toppings and sauces from nothing

No more shall citizens dismantle sandwiches to achieve their will.

🔥 The Hot Food Mandate

All hot food shall be:

  • Freshly prepared
  • Served hot

Food left languishing under heat lamps beyond an acceptable time shall be cast aside and remade without hesitation.

🧊 The Cold Chain Order

All cold items—including drinks, shakes, and frozen delights—shall be prepared last, unless otherwise commanded by the guest.

Thus, no frozen treat shall arrive melted before its time.

📱 The Royal App Reformation

A new mobile experience shall be forged—not a mere disguise of a website, but a true and worthy application.

It shall include:

  • Swift performance
  • Reliable deal redemption
  • Seamless ordering

By decree of the Crown, it shall also possess the following powers:

📍 Arrival Detection:

The app shall sense when a subject approaches within an acceptable distance of their chosen location and only then command the kitchen to begin preparation—ensuring peak freshness.

📍 Location Confirmation Edict:

Before tribute (payment) is given, the subject must confirm their chosen location. The app shall:

  • Display the selected restaurant
  • Warn if a closer location exists
  • Require confirmation or correction before the order proceeds

No order shall be misrouted within this kingdom.

🍟 The Anti-Cardboard Fry Law

All fries shall be:

  • Crisp on the outside
  • Soft within
  • Worthy of consumption

Fries that resemble cardboard shall be deemed unfit and replaced.

👑 Final Royal Proclamation

This decree restores the true meaning of our creed:

“Have It Your Way” shall no longer be words—it shall be law.

All Burger King locations are commanded to comply, for the satisfaction of the people is the strength of the throne.

👑 Given under my seal,

Your King of Flame and Flavor

Written By Richard Secor

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